A fuckin mess
by moonstar213
Summary: A magical and rejuvenating tale of love and its hardships that crosses many animated media including Shrek, Wreck it Ralph, Sonic, Attack on Titan, Naruto, and Fullmetal Alchemist. (Please note that this is a silly and semi-disgusting story and I will never post something like this again :P)


Shrek catches Shadow cheating on him with Fix it Felix. Shadow begs him to stay and Shrek does. But Shadow can't stay faithful. He begins to see Fix it Felix once again. Shrek turns to Sonic for comfort. It's taboo. Sonic is Shadow's sworn enemy. Shrek feels powerful when he's with Sonic. Sonic can run so fast. So fast. One day Shadow realizes the mistake he made. He tries to go back to Shrek but then he sees him with Sonic. He is shocked! How could Shrek date his enemy? Shadow realizes that this must have been how he made Shrek feel and sheds a tear. He knows it's all ogre between him and Shrek now.

SHREK LOOKED ACROSS THE ROOM WISTFULLY. HE HAD BEEN WITH SONIC FOR A FEW MONTHS NOW. HE HAD ALWAYS ADMIRED SONIC FOR HIS SPEED. BUT NOW SONIC WAS NOT FAST BECAUSE SHREK CRUSHED HIS FUCKIN NOODLE ASS LEGS DURING GENTLE GAY SEX. SONIC HAS FUCKIN NOODLE ASS LEGS AND ARMS. SHREK SET HIS SIGHTS ON A MORE DURABLE LOVER AND BROKE UP WITH PENCIL DICK SONIC CAUSE U KNOW HIS DICK IS A PENCIL IF ITS THINNER THAN HIS DAMN LEGS. HIS NEW INTEREST WAS A YOUNG BLONDE HAIRED MAN NAMED ARMIN. ARMIN MIGHT NOT HAVE HAD THE MYSTERY OF SHADOW OR THE SPEED OF SONIC BUT HE HAD INTELLIGENCE. HE KNEW EXACTLY HOW MANY LAYERS AN ONION HAD. HE KNEW SHREKS EVERY LAYER. AND SHREK WANTED TO KNOW HIM. SHREK SNUCK TO ARMINS BED ONE NIGHT AFTER SHREK HIMSELF JOINED THE CADETS. SHREK CRIED TO ARMIN ABOUT BEING TOO FAT FOR THE FUCKIN BUNGEE GUNS TO SWING AROUND. HE LANDED ON HIS FAT ASS EVERYTIME AND WAS EVEN TOO FAT TO BE EATEN BY A TITAN.

ARMIN LISTENED TO SHREK CRY FOR NEARLY TWO HOURS. HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE FAT BECAUSE HE NEVER HAD BEEN BUT HE SYMPATHIZED WITH SHREK. THAT NIGHT HE SNUCK OUT WITH SHREK AND TRIED TO TEACH HIM HOW TO USE THE GUNS BUT SHREK BROKE LITERALLY EVERY HARNESS AND ONCE GOT HIS LEGS STUCK IN IT LIKE IT WAS A BABY SWING AND ARMIN HAD TO CUT HIM OUT. AFTER THEY GAVE UP THEY WENT BACK TO ARMINS ROOM. ARMIN INVITED SHREK INTO HIS BED BUT THE WHOLE BED COLLAPSED, CRUSHING EREN WHO WAS IN THE BOTTOM BUNK. EREN HAD EVERY BONE IN HIS BODY BROKEN AND CRAWLED AWAY, A BROKEN BLOODY MESS. SHREK AND ARMIN DIDNT NOTICE AS THEY HAD GAY SEX FILLED WITH SPLINTERS IN THEIR BUTTS FROM THE DESTROYED BED FRAMES. EREN MADE HIS WAY DOWN THE HALL AND OUTSIDE THE BARRACKS. HE KNEW SOMEONE WHO COULD HELP HIM. IT WAS THEN THAT THE ONE HE SEEKED FOUND HIM. NARUTO STOOD BEFORE HIM. "NARUTO... I DONT BELIEVE IT," SAID EREN IN SHOCK. "BELIEVE IT," NARUTO YELLED UNCOMMONLY LOUDLY AND FARTED SO HARD HE SHIT HIS PANTS.

Eren looked at Naruto. He tried looking into his eyes, the windows of his soul but they were just black slits because he never opened his eyes. "Wow first season naruto," said eren, "you're shorter than I thought." "eXcUsE yOu?" came a voice out of nowhere. A small blonde girl was sprinting towards them. She looked very angry. "ShOrT?! wHo Do YoU ThInK yOu ArE?!" Eren and first season german naruto looked at the blonde girl in confusion. What was a girl? They were both gay and didn't understand. But then they realized that since the blonde could see them, and only gay men could see other gay men, it had to be a gay guy. "My FuCkIn NaMe Is MeTaL aSsEaTeR Ed AnD iM vOiCeD bY vIc MiNsomething." But no one cared. The full metal ass eater left tearfully that no one cared about his stature.

Part four: The full metal ass eater walked away, kicking a can. Eren had died of blood loss from a freak bunk bed accident so first season naruto decided to go home and make out with the sexy and gentle kakashi. Not that the full metal ass eater cared. "I'm metal ass eater ed," he said, trying to boost his confidence, but he ended up sighing and falling face first to the ground. If only somebody loved him. Then it was like his dreams were answered! "Hey," said a sexy Scottish, or maybe welsh or irish voice. "This is my swamp." The full metal ass eater looked up and saw Shrek, his dream ogre. "But I thought you were with Armin!" Shrek teared up. "No. I killed him during sex on accident. He couldn't handle my massive green girth... But... I hear that you're made of metal? Would you be able to withstand me?" Shrek asked. "Yes! And I will love you. I may be made of metal entirely... All of me... Except my heart. And the flesh of my minty asshole." "Why is minty?" asked Shrek. "Because I eat my own ass AND brush my teeth. Don't forget to brush your teeth kids! Good night!" It was true love and Shrek and the full metal ass eater never thought of Shadow, Sonic, Armin, Eren, or first season Naruto ever again. The end of a series.


End file.
